Single AF
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From this content, you will master:
What being single really is and why it’s so dam important.
Who this woman is, and who’s she’s not. And why this type of single female continues to inspire me.
That single girl slump!
Them shitty single times!
How to effectively manage those occasions when hooked-up folk and suiters get all up in your single business, with their simple ass suggestions of where your robust and unique essence is going wrong.
Honesty Alert
If you're still holding onto the same pair of chonies, you purchased over a decade ago! Those "used to be white" Bridget Jones unmentionables, with holes in places they really shouldn't be holes. It's time to burn them, babe, I won't tell a soul.
“I Am Single. I Don’t Care. And You Shouldn’t Either.”
On a more serious matter. For those of you that are currently suffering with, or perhaps it hasn't been diagnosed yet, SDS (Single and desperate syndrome) or maybe your just single and bad shit crazy. Let me make this clear, crystal.
I am not about to offer up any kind of remedy for that! Period. I might, however, occasionally pause and tell you my individual story just to make a point
Either way here's hoping this inspiring read serves has a cold hard virtual slap to the face, because some of you need it, that shits got to stop.
Where was I? Ah yes, singleness… It has to be one of the most life-changing solo participation's a cute, strong-minded, female, can grow through. For some, it might be a personal choice and for others. Well, it can sometimes seem very much like, a series of unfortunate events.
Either way, this is frigging real; this is your life, this is not voodoo magic man, and no, your life hasn't ended, it's just changed.
You are undeniably single and perhaps, maybe a little bit mouthy.
This was the one and only reason why I wrote this blog post. For you, it's really not about me. Neither is this affair about "All The Single Ladies" out there, So please don't misinterpret this message and I'll make sure I won't try to speak for every single girl on the planet. It' just a particular tribe of single women I'm more interested in.
You might know her. She’s a woman with a face-shaped face like yours or mine?
“Rebel Woman. Where The Hell Would We Be Without You?”
You Woke up Like This.
Mouthy Rebellious women have been around, for as long as there have been boundaries. - Those 'feminine' bounds of what constitutes acceptable ladylike behaviour. Of course, you already know the type, this is who you are.
Unruly, fearless, and maybe a tad too loud? This my intense beauty has to be one of the most powerful forms of womanhood today. But let's not just stop there, oh no! How about we add singleness into this little big mix. What you now have, my crazy diamonds is a whole frigging community offering up their unwanted, not needed rude ass opinions as to why your vital essence has you single, and how to go about fixing it.
Full disclosure, like you I've had my share of those annoying comments, from that tiny isolated group of man fools, If my awareness of you is right. You're sure as hell not short on attention from the male species, who seem to think Faining surprise that you're still unattached, and then proceeding to ask why. Somehow constitutes has a compliment. WTF! Seriously, guys, do we have to answer that? No, it most certainly does not, It's just plain rude! It's not OK!
There you go, I said it, cause I can, and somebody sure as hell has too!
I’ve been on pause for 9 years now. I've stayed silent about my own singleness, maybe its's been longer. I made a personal decision to stop counting at 9.
I told the world I was OK with the way intense, loud, independent single women have been perceived, but I'm really not.
Truth be known ladies, I think we are long overdue a heart to heart, a wrap session.
So I'll be breaking my silence, cause I have had a few.
Let's tell them what it is, and more importantly, what it's not.
“A Loud Mouth Often Speaks The Truth”
The silence of the lounge.
If Most of us are already aware of the details. Then that bumper sticker society has stuck to your back shouldn't come as a surprise, not really.
And while the days of openly calling this unique breed of women, Spinsters", or "crazy cat ladies." is nearing extinction. That tag she wears will still most certainly always read:
"Only One", unmarried, alone, mouthy, lonely, separate, isolated, secluded, for however long you and I choose to remain single.
Things haven't changed that much really. Pick a century any century. Folks will always be folks and feel it their duty to offer up some pity for your current circumstance, wanted or not, no matter the era.
We've still got a fair way to go while ever there is going to be somebody out there chirping on about why you can't find a man or girl, how your loudness is scaring men away, and most definitely, the one always ready and willing to panic on your behalf, over your ovaries.
I'm absolutely exhausted with it all, why would you in your single state, somehow not be enough? And why all those extraordinary qualities may be contributing to it. Say what now?!
Excuse my rude but let's unpack this poop right here. Let's walk it out of those tiny little minds. The last time I checked, It was only me for sure In the comfort of my own home, my sanctuary.
I have never been alone on an island talking to coconuts kinda crazy.
For the record, I’m loud, not dangerous!
“True Words Are Like Rare Birds”
I'm going to be real frank about this next part, there is a hell of a lot of bogus singles out there, pretending to be all unattached. It's really quite simple, If You're not sleeping alone for the full 365 days of the year, then you are most definitely not single.
When I'm alone, I'm alone. I'm not going to have a sob story and be like, I'm isolated and lonely because I'm not.
Single-hood for me has so many delicious perks, if you can stand the horror of your own company, that is.
What it doesn't mean is total isolation. I have friends — I'll not be taking myself to the cinema on my own anytime soon, and a not so super tight family, but they are there.
“I Am So Un-Lonely”
I find it nuts people can't see it for what it really is, and that's the most important, wonderful time in your life.
Singleness is not a condition. It's merely a word that chronicles a person able enough to live and enjoy life without having to depend on another.
It's a universal human experience, and a wisdom that you, your heart, body and soul can benefit from, If you work with it and not against it.
Just learn to figure you out single first. You need to know who you are without a person first. Working your purpose out is a puzzle, not a problem, puzzles can always be solved.
If nothing else it teaches you to be independent and gives you strength, that's a promise. It can shape your destiny, career and even relationship goals.
Surprised? You did indeed read that part right. Being single can help you find a companion for all the right reasons, and not because you're trying to fill an emotional hole.
We are meant to be in pairs, I firmly believe that. Anyone preferring not to be in Love is just lying and hurting.
And I'll be the first to admit that, I do have my moments. It doesn't happen to me often. I've noticed whenever I've felt the most boy crazy, or when the idea of being with someone seemed more appealing, is on those hot summer days. The feeling like, "Oh, having a man would be great right now."
But I do also love being by myself.
You see these words were never going to be about delivering a message that would help rid you of the belief of ever finding that special someone, sorry to disappoint guys, I'll totally never get it if you wish to leave now and feel sorry for yourself forever. I, on the other hand, will be that strong single one rooting in the corner for that two-person liaison, marriage, Love, and all the fantastic things that come along with it if it comes…
And if it doesn't? I don't worry about that part. Everything, in the end, is going to be alright.
“Right Now, I Know I’m Exactly Where I Need To Be. I Know What I Deserve, So Don’t Rush Me.”
WHO'S THAT GIRL?
What impresses me just about as much as my favourite brand of lipstick being discontinued. Is how the pose of your entire being is often so misunderstood.
It's a shame, really. Some folks have wrong ideas in their heads that tell them to treat you differently. Because you're that candid noisy single female, that's just wrong. I mean what the actual fuck, me too.
So here it is, someone you don't know caring enough about you to state the undeniable facts.
That fact being, your solo life was never a result of that outspoken charisma you carry. Neither has your independently owned, larger than the most broken speaker, sent all your potential suitors running for the hills.
People, please! If anybody suggests this might perhaps be the case, I'm here to offer up an honest answer, and that is, it's horse shite!
How do you know I'm telling the truth? I guess you don't, but I am.
You're just a female that needs to say things out loud to remind yourself of your truths, feminine who happens to be loud, not dangerous. It's second nature to her, so it's hard to convey into words how she does it.
I guess you just tell it like it is, often and always. It's the most instinctive thing to do, alongside breathing.
And While I will never quite understand how loud, outspoken creatures like yourselves can put the frighteners on some folks, shit happens. And if you and I were sitting together in a room right now I'd tell you, it's this face you chose to show the world that inspires me.
“I Am Not A Vampire. I Am Single.”
That single girl slump.
It's not girl power all day every day for theses fierce creatures. And while they aren't rocking that homeless look just yet, if you've been single for an age, things can slip through the cracks.
I'm single, I know these things. I couldn't even begin to make this next part up
Now go right ahead and imagine yourself absolutely stark butt naked in a room full of strangers! How would you honestly, feel with all of your body hang-ups?
Well the picture I'm trying to paint isn't that bad, but it's scary shit never the less, having to get naked with our truths. Revealing parts of yourself you wouldn't openly discuss, like the Horror Story of my knicker drawer.
They might know your story, but few know little about the smaller details of your life. Elements every single girl can relate to.
So yes, this side of us does need to be acknowledged, in the hope, perhaps it might shame you and me both into making a little more progress in those small areas of neglect. We are, after all, currently only dating ourselves.
On that note, I guess I should go first; it's only fair. I can't believe I'm telling you all this! Feeling too naked in a room right now.
AT FIRST GLANCE…
You'll bear witness to a woman that dresses with confidence and style. Who's Make-up is always on point. And leaving the house without either a generous helping of lipgloss or lipstick is the law.
Nobody could ever imagine the horrors that lurk beneath.
SAY IT ISN'T SO...
Those itty-bitty indulges that remind me of how blessed I am to have been given this female form, have been neglected consistently. So I would firstly like to start by apologising to myself for the bad times my underwear as had to endure. I can't even use the excuse of having no money, looking at my recent splurges.
It's bonafide! My knicker drawer is criminal! Holes where there really shouldn't be holes and my bra's underwires have all gone rogue.
Then there's those really big, I mean huge pants I own. Matching at least, all 50 shades of grey of them. My girl Bridget Jones would be severely disappointed in me right now. I'm disappointed with myself, to be honest.
All I'm going to say on the matter is, Lord, please don't let me meet with an accident, because the embarrassment alone would inevitably end me.
WHAT NO RAZOR?!
Where's there's embarrassment gratitude isn't too far behind. For I'm so utterly grateful my legs have never had to ride out The Razor.
The blessings that come with having Dolphin smooth, hair-free legs translates into; That which does not need to be done wouldn't even be attempted if this wasn't the case.
My singleness alone can't take all of the credit. You see the longer our stay on the planet, fewer fucks are given. I really hate having to shave now and currently don't.
It makes for more relaxed stress-free shower days, being only part mammoth. But don't be fooled, this all too apparent laziness in these areas does not mean, for a second, that I don't have a single girl fix in place. If that is, one should become two.
Thinking out loud now; Perhaps I do need to re-think the whole underwear debacle. Operation bringing sexy back may prove to be pretty darn expensive if I have to buy a month's worth of Victorias Secrets.
NO! Commando style is not an option, because some of my body parts would most defiantly not get in line.
“I Am One, But Not Done.”
MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL.
Why am I telling you all this, hanging out all my dirty laundry so to speak, do you even care? Probably not. But for me, well it's something that's only just recently started rolling around in my consciousness, while in the shower and there's also the fact that nobody explains to you Healthy care-taking, is as much about the little things, as it is significant.
Who would I be shaving for and why now do I want to start investing in sexy lingerie?
Well, that's pretty simple. I'm starting to care more about me and less about the promise of a man. Not because Mr Right may never arrive, but because things could still slide even when he does.
One side no-longer gets to benefits out of all this effort because I'm finally learning to love and appreciate my body by being just one. I'm not getting another, so while ever I continue to be blessed with sight to see, I want to spoil it rotten in some frigging sexy underwear.
I'm finding a bin, for real! I never want to wear that nightmarish underwear again, because times so fleeting and many of our memories fade. For the ones that stick around like that one true best friend, reminding us of how beautiful we are and will always be, no matter our age, no judgment.
These are the memories I want to hold on too. Memories of how wonderful I looked in my youth, with all those inevitable beautiful signs of ageing, appreciation and acceptance of all I'm becoming, and all that shit hot sexy underwear!
“She Knows That Mountain Is Not Endless, Some Are Just Steeper Than Others”
SHITTY TIMES?
Let me put it this way because there's really no great mystery here. Those bad times you think she feels. The ones where you have her pictured home Alone, feeling sorry for herself.
"Nobody’s loving her lately" and "Why can't I find someone." Don't even enter her mind. Not when it comes to being on her own, and certainly not when it's currently all about that sweet, sweet solitude.
Strange as this might sound. You might be the loudest girl they'll probably ever meet, but you do love your silence.
It's in these quiet moments. Single women like these, simply possess a stronger sense of self. It's a sensitivity that allows them to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt. Seasons do change, and life does get better.
For me? Well about as shitty as it gets being single, are those King Arthur moments. When trying to unscrew the lid off a jar feels more like a fight for survival and that great crusade.
Why are those lids always sealed on so frigging tight? I get that they're vacuum-sealed, but come on now! I'll be the first to admit it I'm not built like The Rock!
SWEET SWEET SUCCESS
Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey, that lid does eventually pop-off. And all without those strong man wrists.
Oh wait I remembered something else, I suppose I could also mention that shitty time when no one's always around to speak about how my day went. Don't worry, I have friends. But what I've also learned to do is make friends with myself first.
Trust me, I can be the best form of entertainment that I have. Failing that there's talking to walls, the cat and kids. Kids have imagery friends, right?
If I have to do that, I will do that. I'm just not quite there yet.
MIND YOUR BUSINESS!
Now the advice I'm going to give about how best to handle those unwanted questions about your current single status because I'm in a position to do so. Will take the length of time it takes to write this section, not very long at all.
Having to explain this to someone is not only rude. It's just plain foolish, SO DON'T.
Personally, you could have just asked me why I'm black. Stupid question? My point exactly!
So when they ask you to tell your story, and they will, of why you're that lonely little tadpole.
Tell them it's a short one called, mind your own business. Seriously honey, talking about it, trying to justify it really isn't worth the calories you'll burn in doing so.
Let them go in search of their own truths, and draw their own damn conclusions.
Focus on their own shit and move towards the light!
“Never Let Them Dictate To You, How A Woman Is Supposed To Sound.”
Too Single, too Loud, That’s Only Human.
Your life today more than ever should be about your truths "Who You Are" where you're coming from and ultimately who you're choosing to be in this journey through it.
At specific points in your life, you'll get that and either fight or embrace it. That's the point of truth. It's a fact whether others choose to believe it or not. Belief is the one thing inside of you that will make you secure, so latch onto it.
It's your point of reality, it's who you are. If that's to have a roar that would deafen a heard, don't try to change it.
They don't get to own your status either, So yes, for now, you'll continue to give single life a whirl, as long as it's necessary, doing precisely what you want to do.
If ever you wanted to learn more about what it actually took to be yourself, I mean really be yourself. You need only look into the single life she’s living. For herself, by herself.
And if that life should happen to label you a rebel, then girl you're a rebel with a cause, and that cause is to grow intentionally without, for now, that ring on your finger weighing you down like a male paperweight.
I applaud you on your keen sense of self and have the utmost respect for you doing it all on full volume.
For me personally, you're just different sounding. I'm happy with what I hear or rather what others don't.
Because in all that loudness is your truths. Hearing them always makes me stand a little bit taller.
Being you, single and loud makes you that little bit stronger than the average woman. FACT!
And that my honey makes you beautifully human. TRUTH